When I first heard that term I had no idea what it really meant. I just knew I’d never let my baby cry it out. Isn’t funny, there are so many things we say we will “never do” before we have kids. I never thought I’d be here talking about sleep training Chloe. I know this can be a very touchey subject for many parents. But, here we are desperate for some sleep.
My daughter, Chloe Grace, was never a good sleeper from the time we brought her home from the hospital. I’m not sure if it was because I was so sleep deprived and my many failed attempts to swaddle her were not up to par with hospital swaddle.
I also had people tell me that I held her too much. Let me just say, I’m a firm believer in the “babies can’t be spoiled too much”. Yes, I rocked, bounced shushed my baby and whatever else I needed to do. I was a new sleep deprived mama just doing what I had to do. I don’t regret it one bit.
Before I new it, Chloe was in our bed (She despised anything but our bed) and loving it! She made her place and after many attempts to get her to sleep anywhere but our bed, I just gave in. (I will just be honest here, I actually love this bed sharing gig. It’s just the waking thats killing me.)
At this point, Chloe was waking 2-3x a night. I figured I could manage this. I would wake up feeling somewhat rested. That is until the 4 month sleep regression hit. It was closer to 5 months for her. After a few weeks her sleep quality gradually deteriorated. She was waking around 4-6x after her last feeding, which was 10pm. So naturally, I was deteriorating. Of course teething, shots, and mental developments were all happening around the same time which did not help the current situation. The last 4 weeks (yes, I said 4 weeks) Chloe has been waking up, not just fussing, but crying, full blown sobbing and screaming. It’s heart wrenching to not be able to comfort her. I felt like a bad mama for not helping her get the sleep she so despertley needs.
I’m a stay at home mama, so when daddy leaves for work I literally just want to cry. And I do cry. There are no breaks for me. I do feel fortuante to have my mom come over and visit us. It’s amazing, I can use the bathroom for more than five minutes, maybe brush my hair and put a load of laundry in. Some break! I would love to have someone come even just for 1 hour once week (okay, maybe 2….3hrs.). I think it’s necessary for every mama to have time for themselves. To be able to pause and reset. (I’m currently working on this.)
On top of all this she recently went on a nap strike. (I can’t catch a break!) I recently had a mental breakdown. I was full blown, sobbing and crying alone on the floor. I talked to my husband and told him, ” I just can’t do this anymore”. It no longer was a discussion, we had to do this for my sanity, for my health, for our daughter, and lets be honest for our relationship. Sleep Deprivation was impacting all areas of my life. It’s no wonder they use sleep depreviation as a form of torture. I have slowly felt like I was dying. I actually laid in bed one night, and thought am I actually dying. My heart was pounding and I my body felt so heavy.
I have researched different methods and spoke to parents to get advice. Oh the world of google! I read up on so many reasons why I shouldn’t do this. Let me just say, whateve you have done or decide to do, there is no judgement. I honestly wouldn’t be trying this if I wasn’t slowly losing my mind. I mean this brain fog I’m in is much worst than any pregancy brain. Ultimatley, we will take what we read and advice we received and modify as needed. We are taking the lighter method route. I understand that this may take us closer to 9 days and that’s ok. This is something we must do this to help Chloe learn how to sleep on her own. I know this will require persistence, perseverance, and patience to help her sleep on her own.
Did you chose to sleep train your baby? Why or why not? Any tips would be appreacited, or just your prayers.