As Mother’s Day approaches I can’t help but reflect on how much this day means to me. I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I could remember.
I was married once before and it ended after 10 years. Yup, that’s right, I was married for 10 years! I always had hopes of having a baby in my first marriage, but it was never the right time. Looking back now, I know it wasn’t meant to be.
It was beautiful blessing to find love again! Eric and I met in 2012 and we were married in 2015. We both had been praying to get pregnant that year! I was in my early 30’s and he was in his early 40’s at that time, so I felt my clock ticking. Shortly after our wedding day, we received the best news…I was pregnant! But we had no idea we would never get to meet him or her. We were devastated to find out that the baby was showing but had no heartbeat. I went through weeks of pain physically and mentally. As I grieved the loss of our child I felt paralyzed with fear. For some reason I always feared that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant. Crazy, I know! I was young & healthy woman…so why wouldn’t I be able to? Maybe it was being married 10 years prior and not ever having a pregnancy.
I don’t know.
It was such a painful experience that left me feeling alone and overwhelmed with fear. When I look back, I know that we still had so much time to conceive and that this was very common, but it was hard to see clearly in that moment. They were some of the darkest days of my life. That put a strain on our marriage. I completely shut down. We prayed and prayed for our marriage, for our family, and for this baby my heart so longed for. Unfortunately, we suffered another lost in October 2015. It was an even greater heartache. As our friends and family around us celebrated their pregnancies I was home crying asking God when we would be able to celebrate. I am so grateful to my Husband who would wrap his arms around me and assure me that one day I would be a mama.
We’ve always attended church but never felt connected or a part of something. Around October we found a new church and we started attending regularly. We met strong God loving people that helped pray for us, our marriage and our family. It was the first time I felt like I could breathe again. We were happy and ready to let God bless us on His time. And I just let go, and let God! I know that sounds silly, but that’s exactly what I did. We didn’t use our ovulation kits and didn’t want to try because they say you have to wait a certain time after a loss, but God had other plans for us. On December 31, 2015 I was sitting down reading my bible and having very different symptoms this time (like itchy skin) and I felt the urge to take a test. I took a quick look and I saw the word: PREGNANT! There was this overwhelming feeling of Joy! I knew in my heart that this was going to be okay. Not for one second did I stop thinking about my other two babies in heaven.
Chloe Grace came into the world with a strong powerful cry on September 5, 2016. It was the most incredible experience of my life! I know God has a beautiful story in her life. She is our rainbow baby.
We are so incredibly blessed to have Sophia & Brandon, Eric’s children from his previous marriage. They are such a blessing and light in our lives. And they have taught me so much! Honored to be a part of their lives and feel so blessed to have three beautiful children in my life.
Motherhood is a gift! It’s truly an honor and privilege to be a mother. There are days I am so overwhelmed, and beyond exhausted arguing with a toddler and I just want to hide, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am beyond grateful to be her mother. Our journey is not as hard as those that took years to conceive or couples dealing with infertility and still waiting for a baby. But it was still life changing and heartbreaking for us. I wanted to share God’s goodness and Grace. I pray for those still waiting for a child. I hope in some way this has been encouraging to you. Don’t give up hope! God is always on time. It may not be our time but it’s always the perfect time!
This Mother’s Day we are celebrating with beautiful blooms from 1-800 Flowers! I always tell my husband he doesn’t need to get me flowers. But then when he doesn’t come home with any I’m like, “where are my flowers?!”
Am I alone ladies?! I mean, they know we really want flowers right?
Thank goodness for 1-800 Flowers! You can get beautiful fresh same day delivery. I love these blooms we received. The arrangements are so beautiful and they come in great reusable vase. Thank you 1-800flowers for my beautiful blooms!
Wishing all the amazing mothers out there a wonderful Mother’s Day and a special thanks to my mother who has always gone above and beyond! I love you!
What does Mother’s Day mean to you?